Help a friend on a night out
Don’t lose a friend to sexual violence.
Learn how to Spot It
Learn how to Support
Learn how to #HelpAFriend
Date rape is never the fault of the person targeted, or their friends. The fault always lies with the person carrying out these crimes. However, it’s human nature to always want to protect ourselves and those close to us. There are signs friends can see if we know what to look for.
Knowing the signs and how to #HelpAFriend, can help stop harm in its tracks.
Do you need help?
Local domestic abuse services are ready to support you and your friend. Calling a helpline is not the same as reporting to the police, and support is provided confidentially.
Worried about your friend’s relationship?
Worried about a friend? Good friends are everything. But sometimes our closest friends can be suffering in silence With 1 in 4 women experiencing domestic abuse as well as many men, trans and non-binary gendered people, it is likely we know at least one person...
Signs of Spiking and how to #HelpAFriend
Good friends know each other inside and out. While the signs of spiking can be similar to being drunk, there are things friends can see if you know what to look for. If your friend seems more drunk than normal for drinking the usual amount, check for...
If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse or violence, it’s not their fault or yours.
Help is available.
Call: 0800 085 9993
Visit: nottssvss.org.uk/get-help-now
If someone tells you about their experience of domestic abuse or sexual violence, it can be hard to know the right thing to say.
The good news is that it’s actually quite simple with only four things to remember.
"I'm sorry to hear that"
Show your friend you believe them, and that you care. You might be shocked by the things you’ve been told, especially if you know the person hurting them. But remember, anyone can abuse or be abused, no matter how they seem on the face of it.
Why it’s important to say
Your friend is being bullied and hurt, so they probably feel low. You could be the first person they’ve ever told, and they might feel alone and scared. If you are caring, your friend knows that at least one person has their best interests at heart. Your positive response will support them to cope with the situation.
“Thank you for telling me”
Let your friend know they’ve made a brave and positive decision to talk to someone. Don’t push for details unless your friend wants to tell you. Be trustworthy: reassure them you won’t share information about the abuse with anyone else without their permission, unless it’s an emergency.
Why it’s important to say
There are many reasons why people experiencing abuse don’t feel able to speak out about it. A big one is fear of being judged or not believed. By reassuring your friend they’re doing the right thing, you’ll help reduce that fear, and build their confidence to ask for further help from others.
“It’s not your fault”
Be very clear: tell your friend that what’s happening to them is wrong and they’re not to blame. Nothing your friend has done or said makes it okay to be abused. If the abuser drinks or is using drugs, has stress, depression, or anger problems, or had a bad childhood, this does not justify their behaviour. Abuse is the responsibility of the abuser.
Why it’s important to say
Often a person who is being abusive blames the victim or makes excuses, so your friend could fear what others think or blame themselves. Their self-esteem is probably quite low as a result of abuse. By telling your friend they’ve done nothing wrong, you’ll help to reduce their anxiety and also build their self-confidence to get further help.
“How can I help you?”
Ask your friend what they need. Let them know they can contact the local domestic abuse helpline to talk about their situation and get free, confidential advice. Help them store the number somewhere safe: 0808 800 0340 for women, 0115 960 5556 for men. Do not pressure them to leave. Try and be understanding if they’re not ready and let them know you’ll be there for them, whatever they decide.
Why it’s important to say
Your friend needs to know that help is available, but they might not be ready to take action. They may feel stressed, afraid, and exhausted. They might still love their partner or believe they’ll change. If you pressure your friend to do anything they don’t want to then they’ll only feel worse, and might pull away from all support.
If they can be in control of their own decisions, they’ll be more likely to access help and make changes that last.
Check out our other campaigns
Support Not Silence
Learn about our campaign to reach more men experiencing domestic abuse.
Reel Equality
Equation’s award-winning Reel Equality Film Club shows great movies that tell women-centred stories and challenge gender stereotypes. Join our campaign for better representation of women on screen.
White Ribbon
We take action to support the White Ribbon campaign, run by men who are challenging attitudes that condone violence against women and girls.
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