Stalking blog series: Feeling safe again – How getting support for stalking can help take control

Imagine receiving hundreds of messages and calls a day from someone you don’t want to hear from. Imagine being followed in public, stalked online, and threatened with exposure to your family. For some, this is reality.

In our new blog mini series, we’ll take a look at each of these elements. In this blog, we will explore what fixated behaviour looks like, and actions to take if this is happening to you or to someone you know.

Ed met Connor at work several years ago. When they stopped working together, Connor started approaching Ed, because he wanted a relationship. Ed made it clear he wasn’t interested and would never be.

Refusing to accept this, Connor persisted. He would find Ed and approach him in public, message him through social media, comment on his social posts, and bombard him with hundreds of text messages and calls a day. When Ed didn’t respond, Connor threatened to out Ed to his family, from whom he had previously experienced domestic abuse.

The situation was getting out of hand. Ed felt unsettled and scared that Connor would ‘out’ him to his parents. He was worried about his safety and unsure if it would be safe to go home. He became more anxious about what was happening and the damage this was causing and the stress had a real impact on his studies and work life. Scared to leave his home, and hyper alert every time he did, Ed decided to report it to the police who referred him to Equation’s Non Domestic Violence Stalking service.

How Equation helped

Equation’s Stalking Advocate, Doug, got in touch with Ed, taking the time to understand what was happening for him. Doug looked at the risks Ed faced from Connor, and together they came up with a plan to keep Ed as safe as possible. Over the course of 14 months, Doug provided Ed with a listening ear, giving him the space to talk about how this was affecting him and suggestions of how he could deal with this during the day to day.

This support included

Safety planning and ongoing risk management – helping Ed put practical steps in place, so he could stay as safe as possible whilst carrying on with his usual routine.

Emotional support – offering a trusted, understanding space to process fear and stress.

Advocacy with the police and guidance on the criminal justice system – working closely with them to make sure the case was looked at in detail, and pushing for necessary legal action. Doug talked Ed through his legal rights, let him know the options available and helped him navigate key decisions and also the complexities of the criminal justice system. With Equation’s advocacy, the police charged the Connor with a stalking offense, which he pleaded guilty to.

Referral to university support services – Ed needed more than just legal support. Speaking to the university, Doug secured counselling and safeguarding through their support services.

The outcome

After the Stalking Protection Order was obtained, Connor pleaded guilty to a Section 2 stalking charge and received 6 months suspended sentence. Ed has gone on to complete his studies.

“Knowing that my support worker is there for me to talk to and help me find solutions when problems come up is really reassuring. Having that extra support has made a huge difference for me”