Domestic abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships
LGBTQ+ people can experience the same abuse as anyone else, alongside forms of abuse linked closely to their identity. This page explains what that abuse can look like, why it’s often hard to reach out, and how Equation’s LGBTQ+ service can help.
What domestic abuse can look like
Domestic abuse is about control, not just physical harm, and it usually gets worse over time. It can include emotional abuse, such as put-downs that damage your confidence; coercive control, where someone isolates or manipulates you; financial abuse, taking control of your money or work; sexual abuse, including pressure into unwanted activity; and online or digital abuse, like monitoring your phone or social media. This isn’t a complete list, but if any of it sounds familiar, support is available.
Why it can be hard to reach out
LGBTQ+ people can face extra barriers when looking for support, on top of everything else abuse already makes difficult. These barriers are real, but they don’t mean help isn’t there for you.
- Checking your phone, emails or social media without permission, or demanding passwords.
- Stopping you from seeing friends, family, or leaving the house alone.
- Controlling your money — limiting access, demanding receipts, or taking your wages.
- Putting you down, criticising you constantly, or making you feel worthless.
- Threatening to hurt you, themselves, your children, or pets if you try to leave.
What survivors have told us
“I’ve been building up to calling the helpline. Today, I finally bit the bullet and called – you made it so easy and comfortable for me. Thank you so much for that.”
What survivors have told us
“You have been amazing. You were quick to get on top of issues. If I wasn’t feeling great, I knew I could call you for a chat. I would recommend anyone in need to use the service.”
Abuse can target who you are
LGBTQ+ people can also face abuse that targets identity directly, on top of the abuse anyone might experience. This can come from a partner, or from people who use your identity to control or isolate you.
Threats to ‘out’ you
Threatening to reveal your sexual orientation or gender identity to family, friends, colleagues, or your community, without your consent.
Misgendering and deadnaming
Deliberately using the wrong pronouns, or a name you no longer use, to hurt or undermine you.
Identity-based put-downs
Being told your relationship or identity “isn’t real”, or that no one else would want you. This can cause serious emotional harm.
Isolation from LGBTQ+ community
Being cut off from LGBTQ+ friends, events, or spaces, making it harder to reach out for support when you need it.
Using your HIV status
Being threatened with disclosure of your HIV status, or prevented from accessing treatment or care.
Refer yourself or someone you’re worried about
Whether you’re looking for support for yourself or someone else, we’re here to help. Complete the referral form or contact us directly. Choose whichever feels best for you. You don’t have to use your real name and you can choose how much to share. We’ll respond within 48 hours.
Worried about someone else?
If you’re concerned about someone you know, or you’re a professional looking to refer or seek advice, we can help.
Complete the form below for help and support or for a professional referral
We aim to contact you within 1-2 business days.